| |
| |
|
Dating Information |
|
|
|
Healing the Midlife Love Crisis
All I wanted was to fall in love and live happily ever after. The End. Except it wasn't that simple. At forty-something, I was hardly "on the shelf", but I was the veteran of two divorces. That gave rise to plenty of self doubt. It gave rise to another more sinister, subtle symptom too: I didn't trust the opposite sex not to hurt me again. And guess what? Since the women I was meeting were in a similar age bracket, and also veterans of some painful emotional history, their fears echoed mine. Result? An almost cast iron guarantee that love cannot flourish! You might as well scatter seed on concrete and expect a wheat field to flourish. The internet is peppered with such walking wounded. Dating sites abound and literally tens of thousands of people from all over the computerised world are looking for love. Naturally, there are success stories with happy endings. But the vast majority are frustrated individuals. Join these sites for a while, (I did for 3 months and ended up staying for 3 years), and you will see the same faces come round again and again. They are not ugly or evil or dangerous people. They are ordinary people like you and me, and yet somehow love is just eluding them. Why? To answer that you have to first ask yourself why anyone wants a relationship in the first place. The answer is not obvious, but it is simple. In just about every generation up to about the 1950's, people got into relationships because it was inevitable. Sooner or later, procreation was going to take place, and pregnancy meant the mothers needed economic support which was, of course, provided by the fathers. Roles were clear, nature played a big part. Whether relationships were "happy" or the couple were "in love" were secondary considerations. The relationship itself was primary, and at all costs was made to survive until death did them part. Add in social and religious pressures, and no wonder our grandparents and all of their forbears stayed together for life. Nowadays we have a completely different agenda. It boils down to this: we will only stay in a relationship, or even enter into one, if it feels better than not doing so. In other words, relationships have to make us happy or we're out. That's a big agenda, but the biggest problem with it isn't its size; it's that it goes unacknowledged. Society, from government to the church to our neighbours, tends towards the old values and we still measure ourselves by them. We still consider ourselves to have failed if we break up a relationship, or worse, if we are the one who is jilted. This, in spite of the fact that we don't bat an eyelid if our friends change career, move house or emigrate no matter how many times they do it. But change partners? There's something wrong with you! The fact remains, though, that broken relationships lead to broken hearts, and broken hearts hurt. Pain leads to fear, and fear leads to either a total giving up, or an attempt to half commit - with resulting unsatisfactory relationships all round. So what's the antidote? Two things, really. First, love yourself. If you can feel good about the person you're guaranteed to wake up with every day of your life, no one can hurt you, because that's your inner strength. It wouldn't matter how many times someone told Arnold Schwarzenegger he was a weakling, would it? He would always know that wasn't true. Secondly, get clear, really clear, about what you want. And then be honest about that. Do you really want to be with someone with young children? Do you mind if the lovely person you've just met has an almost zero libido? Or an insatiable one? Also be flexible with yourself about this. Your wants and needs are going to change. They won't be the same three months after the end of a relationship as they will be when three years have elapsed. So you have to learn to listen to your inner self, and not only hear it, but trust it and act on its advice! What this amounts to actually reduces to an amazing and simple formula for finding and keeping true love. Want to know what it is? Get to know, like and love the person you spend every day with. (For full details of who that is, check your nearest mirror!) That's it! That way, you'll have bundles of love to give away, you'll be a joy to be around, (which makes you irresistibly attractive), and during those times when you find yourself alone, you'll be delighted to have your company for a while. After all, who wouldn't? Trevor Emdon is a senior Mental Health & NLP practitioner who graduated from Anthony Robbins' Mastery University in 1999 with full honors. He trained in metaphysics with Gill Edwards. His latest book, "How to Love Again After Your Heart's Been Broken" is now published and is available now from http://www.lulu.com/content/111153. He will be running workshops on the subject in spring 2005 He can be contacted at tremailwiz-offers@yahoo.co.uk.
MORE RESOURCES:
Dating - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Safe Cyber Dating Cyber dating is one of the most popular dating venues these days. No longer is it necessary to go to the bar down the street to find a date. Where Should You Go On The First Date? One of the most frequently asked questions in the history of dating (with the exception of the caveman who was a firm believer in kidnapping and always took his date to a filthy cave) is where should one go on a first date. For starters, there are several places you shouldn't even think about going on a first date. Should You Consider an Internet Romance? Carly's quest in finding a suitable partner for marriage seemed impossible. She found the singles scene at clubs to be uncomfortable and her social circle seemed to consist of more married friends with a shrinking amount of singles. Dating Mistakes Are you dating or in a serious relationship? Did you realize that very often we make the same dating mistakes over and over again? As outlined in my book "the Ultimate Online Dating Handbook" sometimes these mistakes can lead to losing the date of our dreams, or possibly being in a bad relationship. I've compiled a list of dating No-nos which will help you identify a possible problem that you can work on to improve your dating experience. What Appeals To Women About Badboys What is it about the attraction of Bad Boys?A lot of women have said they are attracted to bad boys. If you wonder why than read on. Do It And They Will Come: Pursuing New Adventures To Find Mr / Ms Right Are you tired of the whole dating scene? Have you spent many hours (years) going to parties and events with the hope of meeting compatible and available singles? If so, now may be time to think about doing something different. Really different. Tips for Creating a Successful Personal Online Dating Profile Your profile is the key to meeting your perfect match at online dating and personals services so it's surprising that many profiles are mediocre at best. With a little extra time, thought and effort, and the help of these tips, you can make yours a winner and attract a large pool of admirers to take your pick from. How to Find True Love Quickly And Easily How often do you find yourself wishing you could find true love?Unfortunately, you're not alone. With millions of singles out there, why is it so hard for most singles to find true love? It's just human nature. Male and Swinging Single As a single male trying to enter into the lifestyle successfully, I am sure you have discovered that this may be no small task for you.First, you must get yourself recognized. How To Find A Dating Web Site That Is Right For You Today Starting From Scratch So at last you're sick and tired of the bar scene, and now you want to find a dating web site that's right for you, but you don't know where to begin! No worries let us take you through a few options available and see what dating site will fit your plans!Now the first step you may want to do, is write down on a piece of paper the key tools you're most interested in using, and the ones that will assist you in reaching the right dating community online.You might think this is not an important step, but what this does is eliminates the dating sites that have unnecessary products that won't help in your search for the right people, whether it's to meet friends, or a life long partner for love and possible marriage. Tips For Becoming Fluent In The Non-Verbal Language Of Dating We are all too familiar with the term "body language". There have been books, workshops and endless discussions spawned by it. Dating Tips: The First Impression Matters Ever had a love at first sight encounter? Totally captured by her beauty the first time you laid your eyes on her? Having sleepless nights thinking about her? That first impression she left with you was sure astonishing wasn't it?The first impression you give plays a very important part in the blooming of a love relationship. It determines the ever possibility of a development of the relationship. Dating Relationships and Your Future How Your Dating Life Could Affect Your MarriageIf you've ever wanted motivation to work on your semi-serious dating relationship, here's some: Experts say that people who are able to sustain lasting relationships before they marry stay married longer and are more likely to be married for life than those whose pre-marital relationships don't last very long. That means that by working on your current relationship, even if you don't end up marrying that person, you are contributing to the success of your future marriage. Filtering Values in the Dating Game Ever noticed that when dating, no one really wants to take the first step and open up a dialogue on a subject with depth and substance?It would seem only natural to try to obtain such vital information in order to make a reasonable assessment as to whether your date could have potential.However, most people, due to either being too uptight, or merely too busy playing the "let me put on my best face front", whether it's you or just a fraction of you, do not probe for the others' values initially. The Joy Of Dating Again: Self-Empowering Keys For some, the idea of dating again can be intimidating or even scary. For others, it means an experience full of expectations and adventures. Use The Fated Encounter For First Date Seduction Success Every woman has a fantasy from the time she was a little girl, triggered by a constant diet of romance movies and novels, about fate bringing the man of her dreams to her.In one typical scene the guy and the girl almost bump into each other on the sidewalk. Have You Tried Online Dating, Only to be Disappointed? Millions of people subscribe to Online dating services, but very few of them actually take the time to learn what it takes to be successful on them before signing up. By going into the Online-dating scene uneducated, many people are unsuccessful in their online dating endeavors, and are unable to find people that they are compatible with. Free Dating - The Real Cost of Free Dating Nearly every dating site on the internet claims to offer free dating. Running a quick search on google for the phrase 'free dating' returns some one and half million results!Yet is the consumer being mislead? What are the true costs of free dating?The fact is there is rarely any such thing. Use The Power of Focus When You Want To Get A Date The Importance of FocusPeople are always looking for ways to win over somebody they are interested in. Often times when you lose the opportunity, it has nothing to do with your ability to close. Ten Great Holiday Dates For Singles Dating during the holiday season can be a special treat. Of course, in order to fully experience this you may need to re-order some priorities and make time for yourself and your own personal needs.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
