| |
| |
|
Marriage & Wedding Information |
|
|
|
Marriage Counseling: What to Do When a Spouse Flirts Too Much
When Alicia first met Tim, she found him outgoing, charming, and easy to talk to. She thought he was very witty and funny, always the life of the party with everyone gathered around him. Yes, he flirted a lot, but while he was talking, he'd turn to wink at her, take her hand, or put his arm around her shoulder as he continued talking. But sometime in the two years following their marriage, Alicia started feeling differently about Tim's extraverted side. It seemed to her that he was flirting too much and too blatantly while she sat on the sidelines, feeling left out. Most of the time, Tim didn't even introduce Alicia as his wife. If Alicia said anything to Tim about her feelngs, he told her that she was over-reacting. As she became increasingly more hurt, resentful, and withdrawn, the emotional climate in the marrige cooled considerably, and the marriage became less satisfying for both of them. Neither one knew what to do. Flirting on the part of a spouse causes marriage problems for numerous couples. And it can at times be difficult to distinguish between a spouse with an extraverted personality who just naturally likes to joke and kid around versus the partner who is continually "on the make." Flirting behavior has varying causes. If you have known your partner for a long time and have never had any reason to believe he or she has cheated on you, then you are probably married to an extravert who has a flirty personality. This can still be annoying and frustrating, but at least you basically know what you're dealing with. Spouses can also engage in flirting to meet their own emotional needs such as feeling liked, being popular, or being thought of as funny, entertaining, attractive, or sexy. Excessive flirting can be a sign of someone who is trying too hard to attract and keep attention focused on himself or herself because they are needy emotionally. Flirting can also be a passive-aggressive way of getting even with a partner. The spouse may have felt rejected sexually and emotionally, so the flirting can be a message to the partner to shape up or risk losing the marriage. It can also be an attempt to get the spouse's attention, hoping to make him or her jealous and bring about an increase in the marital passion. And, of course, consistent excessive flirting can be a sign of someone with a sexual addiction who is constantly on the prowl looking for his or her next sexual contact and conquest. A spouse in this category needs professional help from an addictions counselor, but the help won't be effective unless the person wants to be helped. So what can you do about your spouse's flirtatious ways? one of the steps you can take is to write a letter outlining your feelings. In the case of Alicia and Tim mentioned in the opening paragraphs, Alicia could tell Tim how much the fact that he doesn't introduce her to others as his wife hurts her feelings. She could ask for him to include her in the conversations, to put his arm around her, to hold her hand, or to turn and smile at her occasionally. That way she is telling him some things he could do to lessen her anxiety and distress. Another thing Alicia could do is to become more assertive about speaking up, becoming a part of the conversation when Tim is flirting, and letting people know that she's Tim's wife. If Tim says, "This is Alicia" when introducing her, Alicia could say, "Nice to meet you. I'm Tim's wife." Note that I'm not advocating that Alicia follow Tim around or try to "catch" him in flirting behavior-that's a recipe for disaster. But I am suggesting that when she is already present, she can casually drop into conversation that she and Tim are married, such as "It's fun to have such a witty husband! Tim has always been able to make me laugh." Don't get into an argument about whether you are over-reacting to your spouse's flirting. Say upfront that you realize the two of you have differing perceptions and you're not accusing him of doing anything wrong. You just know that if you don't share your feelings and feel heard you may have resentments and hurt feelings that build up and eventually harm the marriage. You want to feel that your spouse has really listened to your concerns, that your spouse cares about your feelings, and that your spouse is willing to try some new behaviors that will provide you the reassurance you need. You could also suggest that the two of you see a marriage counselor if the letter writing and talking don't accomplish what you want. If your spouse is still convinced that the only thing that needs to change is for you to be more accepting of the flirting behavior, then marriage counseling could help. When suggesting counseling, you might need to focus on wanting to get advice from the counselor to help you make the changes you need to. If you focus on wanting to get your spouse to a counselor so he or she will change, your attempts will probably fall flat. The bottom line is that spouses who love each other and are in a healthy marriage will want to listen to their partner, take their feelings into consideration, and take steps to improve communication and intimacy. Showing consistent disrespect and disregard for a partner's feelings and perceptions indicates there are serious marriage problems lurking beneath the excessive flirting behavior-and it's time to seek professional help. Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of the book Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.
MORE RESOURCES:
Marriage-Wedding - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Maid of Honor Duties Being chosen as a maid of honor is a great privilege, but it also requires a large number of responsibilities in the wedding planning process. The maid of honor will likely be spending a great deal of time with the best man, since their duties are often the same and require them to work hand-in-hand in order for the wedding to be a success. When To Order and Send Your Wedding Invitations Wedding Invitations should be ordered when you have all the details of your wedding set? place, time of ceremony and reception as well as your guest list. Plan to place your invitation order at least 3-4 months in advance, some companies may require 4-6 months. Anniversary Gift Ideas: Sweet and Sexy Speaks Volumes There are many great options to consider for letting your significant other know how special they are. An Anniversary is a very special time in a couples' life, and merits much thought. Bridal Shower Games?The Good, the Bad and the Overdone Games can make or break a shower. The best can break the ice and liven up the party. Five Ideas for a More Romantic Honeymoon Candles, rose petals, satin, succulent foods, perfume-you're probably already familiar with all of these time-honored ingredients for creating a romantic mood on your honeymoon. But candles, rose petals, and other sensual ingredients only go so far. Intimacy, What is It Really? Simply put, intimacy is more than sex or making love. It's more than the physical or even emotional connection you feel with your partner. Australia Honeymoon Vacations - Treasure Down Under! Australia honeymoon vacations are more than just being the pleasure of being down under. Australia is virtually a paradise on earth. Planning Weddings on a Budget Planning as early as possible for your wedding is the key to maintaining a budget you can afford. It is a good idea for both the future Bride and Groom to do this together. Planning Your Honeymoon -- 6 Tips To Help The groom traditionally plans the honeymoon. However, most brides prefer to be in on the honeymoon plans so that they can prepare ahead too. Fun Dating Ideas to Spice up Your Marriage One of the best benefits of marriage is that you have a permanent dating partner. Don't let the fun end after the honeymoon. How to Enhance and Enrich Your Marriage Any marriage counselor will tell you that one of the most common problems observed when couples come for help is poor communication skills. People get into trouble in their marriages because they have not developed their ability to listen and communicate. Catering to Your Wedding Wedding catering has always been one of the most crucial aspects of planning a wedding. Besides choosing the food menu items for the palette, you also need to think of other factors - could there be potential allergies to certain types of wedding food, will the food arrive on time, and will it taste great? For all these reasons and more, it is very important that you take the time to review the details of providing great cuisine through a responsible and reliable wedding caterer. Marriage Counseling Tips: 7 Ways to Handle Conflict in Marriage How do you handle arguments that lead to heated exchanges with your spouse? Do you value being right over preserving the quality of your relationship? And how long do you stay angry after you've had a fight?How you answer these questions offers a clue into how secure your marriage is. Unfortunately, too many married couples let unbridled confrontations tear the fabric of their relationship. Planning Your Wedding - How To Get Organized You have purchased the latest bridal magazines from your local grocery store and there are pages and pages of photos of beautiful wedding gowns, rings and articles on weddings. Some give you a brief idea of what you need to do to plan your wedding, but you're still not sure how to begin the process. Wedding Planning -- Staying Within Your Wedding Budget Planning and organizing a wedding budget can greatly reduce the stress of putting together a wedding. The very thought of a wedding conjures up images of finery and elegance, music and dance, fun, frolic and lavish spreads. Bridal Jewelry: Fulfilling a Wedding Tradition 'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.' This is a saying that many brides take to heart when considering their wedding trousseau. The Wide Range of Maui Wedding Ceremonies Whatever your religious affiliation, or whatever you'd like to experience, there is a Maui wedding ceremony that will suit you. A lot of people prefer the traditional Hawaiian wedding ceremony and there is an interesting tale to tell about that. Mexico Honeymoon Vacations Mexico, a country rich in arts and ancient cultures and strategically located between Guatemala and the United States is a perfect destination for a romantic Mexico honeymoon vacation. This beautiful land of sunshine, clear blue seas, crystal-white beaches, high and impressive mountains and volcanoes and jungles of exotic wildlife provides honeymooners with lots to see and do. The History of Engagement Rings and Wedding Bands These days, many people take wedding bands and engagement rings for granted, and although they give these beautiful items of jewellery with integrity and love, they are often given with no real knowledge of the meaning behind them.Both wedding bands and engagement rings are very special items of jewellery; in fact, they are more than just jewellery - they are the symbols of many emotions and promises such as:LoveCommitmentFidelityEternityHonour But where - and why - did these popular and sentimental pieces of jewellery stem from?The History Of Wedding BandsThese items of jewellery have a history that spans many centuries and passes through many countries from all around the planet. Prenuptial Agreements: The Deal Breaker? So you're toying with the idea of getting married? Maybe somebody has mentioned a Prenuptial Agreement (Prenupt) or maybe you've never thought of it before. Regardless, just as you're an educated consumer you might also want to take a look at the advantages of having a prenuptual agreement before leaping into marriage.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
